| New album! Tour! Exclamation point! |
[Nov. 5th, 2007|08:23 pm] |
Greetings.
Remember me? Skinny white dude in a black suit? Writes questionable rap songs about clones, cats and Christ? Wild-eyed, rather twitchy and points a lot? I’d certainly understand if you don’t remember me. After all, it has been quite a while since I’ve been around. I can assure you that in my absence I have been very busy, and now, my dear estranged friends, I’m about to deliver the fruits of those labors to you.
For starters, I am very pleased to announce the release of my newest full-length album, “Mark of the Beast!” This sixteen track musical nightmare contains remixed/rebuilt versions of some classic STD tunes, a few tour-tested but previously unreleased numbers and a handful of brand-new never-before-heard songs. “Mark of the Beast” will be available through iTunes soon enough, but it is available through CD Baby now.*
Click here to order Schaffer the Darklord’s “Mark of the Beast!”
*(Please note that as of this writing, the CD Baby page linked above is not quite ready. Give it a couple of days and check back. I just wanted to get the link to you before I left town)
Secondly, in support of the release of my sophomore effort, I am about to embark on a coast-to-coast tour. This is no ordinary rap trip, though. No…this is special. You see, this time around I will be touring as the support act for the “godfather of nerdcore hip hop” and the subject of the feature documentary Nerdcore Rising, the one and only M.C. Frontalot! As one might imagine, I am tickled magenta for this killer opportunity. Dates are as follows:
Thurs. Nov. 8th – Living Room in Providence, RI (all ages)
Fri.Nov. 9th – Harper’s Ferry in Allston, MA
Sat. Nov. 11th – Knitting Factory in NYC
Tues. Nov. 13th – The Basement in Columbus, OH (all ages)
Wed.Nov. 14th – Reggie’s Live in Chicago, IL (My birthday!)
Thurs. Nov. 15th – Triple Rock Social Club in Minneapolis, MN (early, all ages show @ 6pm)
Fri. Nov. 16th – Duffy’s Tavern in Lincoln, NE
Sun. Nov. 18th – Marquis Theater in Denver, CO
Tues. Nov. 20th – Burt’s Tiki Lounge in Salt Lake City, UT
Wed. Nov. 21st – Knitting Factory in Los Angeles, CA
Fri. Nov. 23rd – Hawthorne Theatre in Portland, OR (all ages)
Sun. Nov. 25th – Café Du Nord in San Francisco, CA (all ages)
Please come to the shows if you’re in or near any of these destinations. If you can’t make it out, but you have allies in any of these cities, please send THEM out to the show. I need bodies. Without an audience, I’m just some lunatic ranting to himself.
In case you missed it (and require further psyching), check out the music video for the new album’s first single, “The Rappist!"
Lastly, for my NYC friends, I have one more treat for thee. After the Boston show, our crew will return to Gotham a day ahead of our show at Knitting Factory. On that Saturday night, I will perform at Bowery Ballroom. However, there will be no rapping, kids. Oh no, at this very special show, I will be behind the drums, playing with my Ramones tribute band, Pet Sematary! Since we’re sharing the stage with tributes to Guns n’ Roses and the Bee Gees, this is sure to be a very VERY fun time.
Saturday November 10th:
Mr. Brownstone (GN'R tribute)
Tragedy (metal tribute to the Bee Gees)
Pet Sematary
The Throwaway Girls
@ Bowery Ballroom
6 Delancey St.
NYC
Doors @ 7:30pm
$16 adv./$18 d.o.s.
I’m coming for you, Barbara. I’m coming for the rest of you too.
-std
schafferthedarklord.com |
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| Schaffer the Darklord/Death by Sexy Fall 2006 tour dates! |
[Oct. 16th, 2006|07:05 pm] |
Hello, again.
It has been quite some time since we've seen one another. I have no excuse for my absence other than I've been slaving away trying to make ends meet in NYC. Now I've got the cabin fever something awful. To remedy this illness, I'm about to embark on another lil' tour round some of my favorite divey destinations. This time around I'm bringing a fresh support act, a 2-piece rock-and-roll outfit from Washington, DC called Death by Sexy. With forces joined, we shall make this the best...tour...ever. Come and get it!
SCHAFFER THE DARKLORD & DEATH BY SEXY Fall 2006 tour dates:
Thursday October 19th
Tour kick-off show and film shoot for a nerdcore documentary!
@ Arlene's Grocery
91 Stanton St.
NYC
10:30pm
Friday October 20th
@ Studio One (above Phoenix Cafe)
15108 Detroit Ave
Lakewood, OH
w/Marvin the Robot (Columbus)
7pm
All ages!
Saturday October 21st
Motormouth Skateboards release party for the new STD deck!
@ Mocha Dreams Cafe
20672 Center Ridge Road
Rocky River, OH
w/Marvin the Robot, Hulk Smash, Mose Giganticus and more
Noon-Midnight
All ages!
Sunday October 22nd
@ The Busted Lift
180 Main St.
Dubuque, IA
5pm
All ages!
Tuesday October 24th
@ The Picador (formerly Gabe's Oasis)
330 E. Washington St.
Iowa City, IA
w/Coolzey and Witch's Hat
10pm
Wednesday October 25th
@ The Backroads
2601 W Briggs Ave
Fairfield, IA
w/Coolzey and Witch's Hat
9pm
Thursday October 26th
@ The Eastside Tavern
1016 E. Broadway
Columbia, MO
w/Witch's Hat
10pm
Friday October 27th
@ The Chatterbox
815 P. St.
Lincoln, NE
6pm early show
All ages!
Saturday October 28th
@ O'Leavers Pub
1322 S. Saddlecreek Rd.
Omaha, NE
w/Shinyville
9pm
Sunday October 29th
@ Replay Lounge
943 Massachusettes
Lawrence, KS
10pm
Tuesday October 31st
@ Vaudeville Mews
212 4th St.
Des Moines, IA
w/Suburb Logic
9pm
Thursday November 2nd
@ King Club
114 King St.
Madison, WI
9pm
Friday November 3rd
@ Darling Hall
601 S. 6th St.
Milwaukee, MI
9pm
Saturday November 4th
@ The Mutiny
2428 N. Western Avenue
Chicago, IL
w/Venom Lords, Highball, Greenlight and the Braves
8pm
Sunday November 5th
@ Melody Inn
3826 N. Illinois St.
Indianapolis, IN
9pm
I've got new songs, new merch and New Edition (on my iPod). Please join me again...
Nerd up,
-std
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| STD show/Nerdcore doc shoot Thurs Oct 19 @ Arlene's Grocery in STD! |
[Oct. 15th, 2006|02:40 pm] |
Hello, kitties...
I'm about to hit the road again for a 3 week tour around America. Like always, I'm going to kick the trip off with a bon voyage show in NYC. However, unlike past tour kick-off shows, this time I do not ASK for your attendance...I PLEAD for it.
You see, at this show (Thursday October 19th @ Arlene's Grocery) a pair of filmmakers will attend to capture my performance for a documentary about "Nerdcore" rappers. It will fill my cold, black heart with joy if a full-house is on hand for this event. You are welcome to "nerd it up" as much as you see fit...however, that does NOT include heckling. Hecklers will receive a "Vader force-choke." No kidding. I've been practicing. Don't push me.
Thursday October 19th
SCHAFFER THE DARKLORD (On at midnight sharp!)
DEATH BY SEXY (my tourmates from DC - on at 11pm sharp!)
@ ARLENE'S GROCERY
91 Stanton Street
NYC
Nerd up,
-std
Schaffer on MySpace |
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| Schaffer the Skateboard and the t-shirt vote |
[Sep. 7th, 2006|09:51 am] |
Hello, ghouls.
In preparation for my upcoming tour, I've decided to design and order some new t-shirts. (The boys down in the STD warehouse tell me that supplies are running low.) I intend to use the "nerd-skull" graphic from my new MySpace user pic. However, I have a problem.
You see, I don't want to do another white-on-black or red-on-black batch of shirts. Both are tired rock-shirt color schemes, plus they make it a real pain in the ass to fish out the correct shirts when I'm drunk at the merch table. I've thought of a few different potential ink/shirt color schemes, but I simply cannot decide which one to use. Since I'm on a budget, I can only choose one. So...I turn to you.
Since readers of this blog are likely (hopefully) going to be the same people who purchase and wear these new "merchables," I think you should have a say. Please vote for the ink/shirt color combination that you would be most likely to purchase and wear. Thanks for your help!
Just in case the colors don't translate correctly on your monitor:
A.) Orange on Brown
B.) Black on Green
C.) White on Brown
D.) Black on Red
E.) Light Blue on Brown
Now, on to the Schaffer the Skateboard news...
It should come as no surprise to anyone that in my teenage years, I was an avid skateboarder. As a matter of fact, I STILL ride my skateboard when travelling relatively long distances in Queens by foot. I can remember daydreaming in my younger and more impressionable years of one day having my very own pro board complete with my own custom graphic. However, as a young skater with very little skill in the sport, I always realized that this would never be a reality...
...now, at the age of 31, my childhood dream has come true. Motormouth Skateboards of Cleveland, OH is pleased to announce the release of the first ever Schaffer the Darklord pro deck! I can't even believe I just typed that! Check it out!
Here's the deal, though: if you want one, you'll have to wait until the official release date of Oct. 21st, 2006. Motormouth will host an all-day event at a Cleveland area skatepark to celebrate the release of THIS sweet new item as well as the release of the company's new DVD "Kill Vegas." Many bands and other Motomouth Team skaters will be on hand for the festival...and I will too! This show will be one of the first in my October tour with Death by Sexy. I'lll be rapping some raps and signing some decks (which, by the way, come with a free copy of my new Fall 2006 Demo CD!) I hope to see you there. For those of you living great distances from Cleveland, you can order the decks through Motormouth Skateboards...but not until AFTER October 21st!
Here are the show details from Motormouth:
Motormouth Skateboards presents:
ohio DVD release premiere of "KILL VEGAS" & a board deck release for "STD" by motormouth skateboards.
artists include:
SCHAFFER THE DARKLORD rapper from new york
on tour with DEATH BY SEXY from dc
MOSE GIGANTICUS from philly
on tour with HULK SMASH from philly
MARVIN THE ROBOT from columbus, oh
GOOSE from kent, oh
UP UP AND AWAY (formerly zoom voodoo) from akron, oh
THE THOMAS EDISUN SOUND MACHINE
plus a few others TBA!!!
sponsors include:
FACTORY 13 SKATEBOARDS from chardon, oh
BLANK SKATE SUPPLY from pittsburg
LAKEWOOD PHOENIX COFFEE
15108 Detroit Ave. Lakewood, Ohio 44107
(will be selling DELICIOUS COFFEE & TEAS)
CLEVELAND FOOD NOT BOMBS
(providing food for donation to help feed/clothes the homeless)
SATURDAY OCT. 21st 2k6
NOON-MIDNIGHT
$10 non-skateboarders / $12 skateboarders
@ BIG HAPPY'S SKATEPARK
21863 Aurora Rd. Beford Hts, Ohio 44146
more info:
www.myspace.com/motormouthskateboards
motormouth_skateboards@yahoo.com
I'm so psyched about this that I lack the ability to express it in English! Thanks, Motormouth.
-STD |
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| STD appears in a hip hop show this Saturday night in NYC! |
[Aug. 3rd, 2006|07:41 am] |
Yes, yes, y'all...
This Saturday night, STD will perform in an honest-to-satan hip hop show. No rock bands, no burlesque acts, no comedians...ALL hip hop. What's the occasion for this unusual billing? Well, STD's beloved partner-in-rhyme Coolzey is returning to NYC on tour. Coolzey is kicking off his tour with 2 other rap acts, and STD simply cannot miss an opportunity to share a bill with his midwestern associate. Check it...check it...uh, check it out!
Saturday August 5th:
COOLZEY (Midwest rapper)
REBEL'S ADVOCATE (Chicago ensemble)
SCHAFFER THE DARKLORD (Rap-lite)
ANIMOSITY (Iowa hip-hopper)
@ MO PITKINS
34 Avenue A (btw. E.2nd & E.3rd)
F or V train to 2nd Ave.
Show starts at MIDNIGHT!
$5
STD and Coolzey in Omaha April 2006.
STD will likely go on first or second in this bill, so please arrive by the witching hour when the show...um...drops. I'd better get a hip hop glossary before then.
Peace,
-STD |
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| Killing Time with STD |
[Jul. 25th, 2006|06:37 pm] |
It seems I've posted this everywhere ELSE...it's due time it made it here as well.
I have launched a video podcast entitled Killing Time with Schaffer the Darklord.
It's part-blog, part-podcast and part-televisionish series. You see, when I'm NOT out on the road performing my rap/standup shows to my devoted fanbase from coast-to-coast, I rarely leave the comfort of my apartment. Since my wife tends to venture outside more frequently than I do, I'm left alone with my cats (Fred and Darwin) and the Black Box, my only "bandmate" and stage prop...essentially just a small plastic suitcase through which the devil speaks to me. Many of my fans have written to me and asked, "Schaffer, what do you DO when you're not on the road?" (I'm kidding, of course. No one has really ever asked me that.) Now YOU can learn the secrets of my hermit-like lifestyle. Each entry will feature a link to a new installment of this series. Each is readily available for download and your marginal amusement. However, the future is NOW, friends, and advents in digital technology allow you to subscribe to "Killing Time" via podcast. Once you subscribe, every episode will download to your iTunes library every time you launch said application. No need to ever revisit the site after that. Enjoy the show on your computer or carry it with you on an iPod. Never before has someone used so much brilliant technology to create something so remarkably mundane. (That ALSO of course, is not true.) Check out the show, subscribe to the podcast and send me your emails. Users' suggestions will make it into the show. What do YOU want to see me do when I'm trapped inside? Let me know, and together we shall face the future.
To subscribe, go here.
There are only two installments up so far, but there are more on the way...
-std |
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| I do. Did I? I did. |
[Jul. 23rd, 2006|10:30 am] |
Best summer ever, I say.
Although I haven't really done much...no touring, a lil' recording, a new day job, some puttering about the house, etc. I guess there was this ONE tiny thing I did so far this summer...
I got married. That's right. 8 days ago. To the Black Metal Queen. The Lady Darklord. Dr. Schaffer, PhD. We tied the knot. We're married.
This means that I can now add a few more titles to my existing list which includes "rappist" and "darklord." I'm now also a married man. A newlywed. Goddammit, I'm somebody's husband. To be honest, it's a very surreal feeling. However, it's also quite exhilarating.
Here's to several thousand blissful years with my new bride.
Mazel tov,
-std
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| STD returns to SF this Thursday June 8th! |
[Jun. 3rd, 2006|12:49 pm] |
Witches, demons, zombies...
'Tis true. I am returning to San Francisco this week for another hot show at the Hemlock Tavern, the undisputed KING of American rock-and-roll dive bars!
Oh, but there's more...
Opening this show will be the amazing rapper known as Katastrophe. For you longtime STD fans, you'll remember Katastrophe as 1/3 of my old SF-based hip hop supergroup The End of the World. Since we disbanded, he and I have pursued solo acts, and these days he is simply "blowing up," as the hip hop vernacular goes. I caught his show in Brooklyn recently and was left humbled and slack-jawed. I cannot dish out enough accolades on this gifted young man.
Katastrophe opens. STD headlines. Will Strict Chem (the remaining 1/3 of TEOTW) be in attendance? Will there be a TEOTW reunion at the close of the show? Will dreams truly come true? Pay the cover and find out for yourself. Bring your requests, bring your dancing shoes, and dammit, bring the noise!*
*(note: Please don't REALLY bring the noise. We'll do that.)
Thursday June 8th
SCHAFFER THE DARKLORD (the "Rappist" from NYC)
KATASTROPHE (super-rapper from SF)
@ The Hemlock Tavern
1131 Polk @ Post
SF, CA, USA
9PM
$7
The End of the World, 2002. Photo by Wally Lech.
(From left: MC STD, Strict Chem, MC Katastrophe)
Katastrophe, 2006. Photo by Lydia Daniller.
STD, 2006. Photo by Bruce Ashley.
God is in his holy temple. I wish he'd turn his stereo down.
-STD |
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| One of my weird celebrity encounters. |
[May. 26th, 2006|10:44 am] |
Gentle reader,
I see celebrities all the time. I've seen Jon Stewart, Minnie Driver, Lisa Bonet and Howard Stern just walking down the street at different times. Hell, just last night I stepped out of a bar for a cigarette and nearly stumbled into Chris Cornell from Soundgarden, although I'm not certain that he really counts as a celebrity. Anyway...I see them all the time, but I RARELY have interactions with them.
Last week I had a rather unusual "run-in" with a big celebrity. Yeah... a BIG CELEBRITY. She's such a big star, in fact, that I've chosen to NOT name her. This decision has been made for a number of reasons: 1.) To avoid the guffaws of skeptics, and 2.) because my future involves another social engagement which she shall attend. I'd hate for her to bookmark this unread little e-diary of mine and call me on it later. Anyway, here goes...
I had plans to attend an engagement party for a couple of high-powered NYC attorneys last Thursday. Due to their remarkable income/social status, these two spouses-to-be held their soiree in a fancy Upper East Side apartment. I always feel uncomfortable at these sorts of gatherings (says the penniless rapper as though his planner is cluttered with such dates) so I decided to meet S. at a little karaoke/dive bar on 3rd Ave beforehand. Three Mardi Gras-sized "pints" of Stella later, and I was ready to fuggin' party with some fuggin' socialites! Who you looking at, bitch?
Within seconds of entering the gazillion-dollar-per-square-inch apartment on 76th St, I spotted her. I'd been familiar with her face for YEARS, what with her television shows, K-Mart product displays, scandalous New York Post covers and occassional Conan cameos. Draped in delicate white fabrics she really stood out against the crowd of bored-looking yuppies in black jackets. I tend to be a wee bit obsessed with the cult of celebrity, and reminding myself of my plan to quit this habit, I immediately drew my gaze away from her. "I'm not going to stare at her. I'M NOT!" I thought to myself. Although in my mind, I probably called myself a "bitch" with each of those thoughts. Those beers back at Karaoke McDivey's were fuggin' HUUUGE.
I munched on some pearl-stuffed eagle cakes with 30k gold frosting while trying my damnedest to maintain small talk with a French business executive. Eventually my eyes drifted away from my companion and directly into those of the famous lady. Yeah...awkward. I looked away quickly and asked a servant to refill my jewel-encrusted goblet with panda blood.
Moments later, my eyes (surely half-cocked by now) lazily scanned the room, and AGAIN I crossed streams with the celebrity, this time sporting a noticeably coy grin. I pulled out of our locked gaze and thought to myself, "Can this be? Is she...checking me out?" I know you may suspect that with all of the drinking I COULD have been making a fool of myself and that THAT was what attracted her looks. I can assure you though, I'm a steady drunk, not a scene-maker. I maintain fluid conversation and vocal volume with ease. I know that ALL drunks say that. Even though I was one shot away from a hate-crime, I was cool as ice, baby. By the time I met her smiling stare a third time, I began to wonder what SHE would act like shit-faced.
I managed to soak up some of my fool-fuel with these delicious miniature crabs dressed in silk evening gowns and began to admire (read: "pretended to admire") a wall of framed photographs in the living room. Just as the French business man and I began discussing the art, she cut through the crowd like a cocktail party ninja and asked me, "SO, what do you think?" She was talking about the photographs, not of this sudden development. I coolly responded with,
"Well, my friend and I here were just speculating about the three women in this photo. I suggested that they they represent three generations of the same family although one might not suspect it due to the fact that the eldest member looks so young and elegant."
The celebrity leaned in, took hold of my arm and squeezed while saying, "You know, you're absolutely right." A smiled spread across her face. She's beautiful in person.
I had decided that I would NOT discuss her identity with her, instead opting for a humorous segue from all the talk of art and generations.
"Would you care to hear a joke?"
"I'd love to," she responded eagerly.
Then I shared with her my favorite joke in the world, told to me just last year by my friend Jonathan in Chicago.
"What did the 0 say to the 8?"
"I don't know."
"Nice belt."
With exagerrated laughter, she leaned in and gave me another strong squeeze on the arm. "Oh, that's VERY funny! Thank you." Immediately after this comment she left the party. I assume she entered a black limo upon exiting.
I was a bit stunned afterwards. Although our exchange was really a non-event, I couldn't help but reflect on the fact that she HAD flirted with me. In fact, she kind of hit on me. No...fuck that! She DID hit on me. Hell yeah! That's what I'll report in my blog! Famous lady hit on ME! Kick ass. (It should be noted that I'm consistently oblivious when someone IS hitting on me. But THIS gave me the "funny feeling.")
I'll surely see her at the wedding for the same couple next month. I'd better come up with some more jokes and some better lines in the meantime. Hopefully the next encounter will actually warrant a post this long.
When I was leaving the party that night, a man struck up a shallow conversation with me.
"What do you do for a living?" he asked.
"I'm a comic...and a rapper."
"Oh, so where do YOU wait tables." he added, clearly pleased with his zinger.
I don't wait tables, actually. I do temp work where I spend my day updating my blog, posting snarky comments about soulless yuppie douchebags in sexless marriages. Yeah...like that.
Who you looking at, bitch?
-STD |
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