| New album! Tour! Exclamation point! |
[Nov. 5th, 2007|08:23 pm] |
Greetings.
Remember me? Skinny white dude in a black suit? Writes questionable rap songs about clones, cats and Christ? Wild-eyed, rather twitchy and points a lot? I’d certainly understand if you don’t remember me. After all, it has been quite a while since I’ve been around. I can assure you that in my absence I have been very busy, and now, my dear estranged friends, I’m about to deliver the fruits of those labors to you.
For starters, I am very pleased to announce the release of my newest full-length album, “Mark of the Beast!” This sixteen track musical nightmare contains remixed/rebuilt versions of some classic STD tunes, a few tour-tested but previously unreleased numbers and a handful of brand-new never-before-heard songs. “Mark of the Beast” will be available through iTunes soon enough, but it is available through CD Baby now.*
Click here to order Schaffer the Darklord’s “Mark of the Beast!”
*(Please note that as of this writing, the CD Baby page linked above is not quite ready. Give it a couple of days and check back. I just wanted to get the link to you before I left town)
Secondly, in support of the release of my sophomore effort, I am about to embark on a coast-to-coast tour. This is no ordinary rap trip, though. No…this is special. You see, this time around I will be touring as the support act for the “godfather of nerdcore hip hop” and the subject of the feature documentary Nerdcore Rising, the one and only M.C. Frontalot! As one might imagine, I am tickled magenta for this killer opportunity. Dates are as follows:
Thurs. Nov. 8th – Living Room in Providence, RI (all ages)
Fri.Nov. 9th – Harper’s Ferry in Allston, MA
Sat. Nov. 11th – Knitting Factory in NYC
Tues. Nov. 13th – The Basement in Columbus, OH (all ages)
Wed.Nov. 14th – Reggie’s Live in Chicago, IL (My birthday!)
Thurs. Nov. 15th – Triple Rock Social Club in Minneapolis, MN (early, all ages show @ 6pm)
Fri. Nov. 16th – Duffy’s Tavern in Lincoln, NE
Sun. Nov. 18th – Marquis Theater in Denver, CO
Tues. Nov. 20th – Burt’s Tiki Lounge in Salt Lake City, UT
Wed. Nov. 21st – Knitting Factory in Los Angeles, CA
Fri. Nov. 23rd – Hawthorne Theatre in Portland, OR (all ages)
Sun. Nov. 25th – Café Du Nord in San Francisco, CA (all ages)
Please come to the shows if you’re in or near any of these destinations. If you can’t make it out, but you have allies in any of these cities, please send THEM out to the show. I need bodies. Without an audience, I’m just some lunatic ranting to himself.
In case you missed it (and require further psyching), check out the music video for the new album’s first single, “The Rappist!"
Lastly, for my NYC friends, I have one more treat for thee. After the Boston show, our crew will return to Gotham a day ahead of our show at Knitting Factory. On that Saturday night, I will perform at Bowery Ballroom. However, there will be no rapping, kids. Oh no, at this very special show, I will be behind the drums, playing with my Ramones tribute band, Pet Sematary! Since we’re sharing the stage with tributes to Guns n’ Roses and the Bee Gees, this is sure to be a very VERY fun time.
Saturday November 10th:
Mr. Brownstone (GN'R tribute)
Tragedy (metal tribute to the Bee Gees)
Pet Sematary
The Throwaway Girls
@ Bowery Ballroom
6 Delancey St.
NYC
Doors @ 7:30pm
$16 adv./$18 d.o.s.
I’m coming for you, Barbara. I’m coming for the rest of you too.
-std
schafferthedarklord.com |
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| Schaffer the Darklord/Death by Sexy Fall 2006 tour dates! |
[Oct. 16th, 2006|07:05 pm] |
Hello, again.
It has been quite some time since we've seen one another. I have no excuse for my absence other than I've been slaving away trying to make ends meet in NYC. Now I've got the cabin fever something awful. To remedy this illness, I'm about to embark on another lil' tour round some of my favorite divey destinations. This time around I'm bringing a fresh support act, a 2-piece rock-and-roll outfit from Washington, DC called Death by Sexy. With forces joined, we shall make this the best...tour...ever. Come and get it!
SCHAFFER THE DARKLORD & DEATH BY SEXY Fall 2006 tour dates:
Thursday October 19th
Tour kick-off show and film shoot for a nerdcore documentary!
@ Arlene's Grocery
91 Stanton St.
NYC
10:30pm
Friday October 20th
@ Studio One (above Phoenix Cafe)
15108 Detroit Ave
Lakewood, OH
w/Marvin the Robot (Columbus)
7pm
All ages!
Saturday October 21st
Motormouth Skateboards release party for the new STD deck!
@ Mocha Dreams Cafe
20672 Center Ridge Road
Rocky River, OH
w/Marvin the Robot, Hulk Smash, Mose Giganticus and more
Noon-Midnight
All ages!
Sunday October 22nd
@ The Busted Lift
180 Main St.
Dubuque, IA
5pm
All ages!
Tuesday October 24th
@ The Picador (formerly Gabe's Oasis)
330 E. Washington St.
Iowa City, IA
w/Coolzey and Witch's Hat
10pm
Wednesday October 25th
@ The Backroads
2601 W Briggs Ave
Fairfield, IA
w/Coolzey and Witch's Hat
9pm
Thursday October 26th
@ The Eastside Tavern
1016 E. Broadway
Columbia, MO
w/Witch's Hat
10pm
Friday October 27th
@ The Chatterbox
815 P. St.
Lincoln, NE
6pm early show
All ages!
Saturday October 28th
@ O'Leavers Pub
1322 S. Saddlecreek Rd.
Omaha, NE
w/Shinyville
9pm
Sunday October 29th
@ Replay Lounge
943 Massachusettes
Lawrence, KS
10pm
Tuesday October 31st
@ Vaudeville Mews
212 4th St.
Des Moines, IA
w/Suburb Logic
9pm
Thursday November 2nd
@ King Club
114 King St.
Madison, WI
9pm
Friday November 3rd
@ Darling Hall
601 S. 6th St.
Milwaukee, MI
9pm
Saturday November 4th
@ The Mutiny
2428 N. Western Avenue
Chicago, IL
w/Venom Lords, Highball, Greenlight and the Braves
8pm
Sunday November 5th
@ Melody Inn
3826 N. Illinois St.
Indianapolis, IN
9pm
I've got new songs, new merch and New Edition (on my iPod). Please join me again...
Nerd up,
-std
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| STD show/Nerdcore doc shoot Thurs Oct 19 @ Arlene's Grocery in STD! |
[Oct. 15th, 2006|02:40 pm] |
Hello, kitties...
I'm about to hit the road again for a 3 week tour around America. Like always, I'm going to kick the trip off with a bon voyage show in NYC. However, unlike past tour kick-off shows, this time I do not ASK for your attendance...I PLEAD for it.
You see, at this show (Thursday October 19th @ Arlene's Grocery) a pair of filmmakers will attend to capture my performance for a documentary about "Nerdcore" rappers. It will fill my cold, black heart with joy if a full-house is on hand for this event. You are welcome to "nerd it up" as much as you see fit...however, that does NOT include heckling. Hecklers will receive a "Vader force-choke." No kidding. I've been practicing. Don't push me.
Thursday October 19th
SCHAFFER THE DARKLORD (On at midnight sharp!)
DEATH BY SEXY (my tourmates from DC - on at 11pm sharp!)
@ ARLENE'S GROCERY
91 Stanton Street
NYC
Nerd up,
-std
Schaffer on MySpace |
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| Schaffer the Skateboard and the t-shirt vote |
[Sep. 7th, 2006|09:51 am] |
Hello, ghouls.
In preparation for my upcoming tour, I've decided to design and order some new t-shirts. (The boys down in the STD warehouse tell me that supplies are running low.) I intend to use the "nerd-skull" graphic from my new MySpace user pic. However, I have a problem.
You see, I don't want to do another white-on-black or red-on-black batch of shirts. Both are tired rock-shirt color schemes, plus they make it a real pain in the ass to fish out the correct shirts when I'm drunk at the merch table. I've thought of a few different potential ink/shirt color schemes, but I simply cannot decide which one to use. Since I'm on a budget, I can only choose one. So...I turn to you.
Since readers of this blog are likely (hopefully) going to be the same people who purchase and wear these new "merchables," I think you should have a say. Please vote for the ink/shirt color combination that you would be most likely to purchase and wear. Thanks for your help!
Just in case the colors don't translate correctly on your monitor:
A.) Orange on Brown
B.) Black on Green
C.) White on Brown
D.) Black on Red
E.) Light Blue on Brown
Now, on to the Schaffer the Skateboard news...
It should come as no surprise to anyone that in my teenage years, I was an avid skateboarder. As a matter of fact, I STILL ride my skateboard when travelling relatively long distances in Queens by foot. I can remember daydreaming in my younger and more impressionable years of one day having my very own pro board complete with my own custom graphic. However, as a young skater with very little skill in the sport, I always realized that this would never be a reality...
...now, at the age of 31, my childhood dream has come true. Motormouth Skateboards of Cleveland, OH is pleased to announce the release of the first ever Schaffer the Darklord pro deck! I can't even believe I just typed that! Check it out!
Here's the deal, though: if you want one, you'll have to wait until the official release date of Oct. 21st, 2006. Motormouth will host an all-day event at a Cleveland area skatepark to celebrate the release of THIS sweet new item as well as the release of the company's new DVD "Kill Vegas." Many bands and other Motomouth Team skaters will be on hand for the festival...and I will too! This show will be one of the first in my October tour with Death by Sexy. I'lll be rapping some raps and signing some decks (which, by the way, come with a free copy of my new Fall 2006 Demo CD!) I hope to see you there. For those of you living great distances from Cleveland, you can order the decks through Motormouth Skateboards...but not until AFTER October 21st!
Here are the show details from Motormouth:
Motormouth Skateboards presents:
ohio DVD release premiere of "KILL VEGAS" & a board deck release for "STD" by motormouth skateboards.
artists include:
SCHAFFER THE DARKLORD rapper from new york
on tour with DEATH BY SEXY from dc
MOSE GIGANTICUS from philly
on tour with HULK SMASH from philly
MARVIN THE ROBOT from columbus, oh
GOOSE from kent, oh
UP UP AND AWAY (formerly zoom voodoo) from akron, oh
THE THOMAS EDISUN SOUND MACHINE
plus a few others TBA!!!
sponsors include:
FACTORY 13 SKATEBOARDS from chardon, oh
BLANK SKATE SUPPLY from pittsburg
LAKEWOOD PHOENIX COFFEE
15108 Detroit Ave. Lakewood, Ohio 44107
(will be selling DELICIOUS COFFEE & TEAS)
CLEVELAND FOOD NOT BOMBS
(providing food for donation to help feed/clothes the homeless)
SATURDAY OCT. 21st 2k6
NOON-MIDNIGHT
$10 non-skateboarders / $12 skateboarders
@ BIG HAPPY'S SKATEPARK
21863 Aurora Rd. Beford Hts, Ohio 44146
more info:
www.myspace.com/motormouthskateboards
motormouth_skateboards@yahoo.com
I'm so psyched about this that I lack the ability to express it in English! Thanks, Motormouth.
-STD |
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| STD appears in a hip hop show this Saturday night in NYC! |
[Aug. 3rd, 2006|07:41 am] |
Yes, yes, y'all...
This Saturday night, STD will perform in an honest-to-satan hip hop show. No rock bands, no burlesque acts, no comedians...ALL hip hop. What's the occasion for this unusual billing? Well, STD's beloved partner-in-rhyme Coolzey is returning to NYC on tour. Coolzey is kicking off his tour with 2 other rap acts, and STD simply cannot miss an opportunity to share a bill with his midwestern associate. Check it...check it...uh, check it out!
Saturday August 5th:
COOLZEY (Midwest rapper)
REBEL'S ADVOCATE (Chicago ensemble)
SCHAFFER THE DARKLORD (Rap-lite)
ANIMOSITY (Iowa hip-hopper)
@ MO PITKINS
34 Avenue A (btw. E.2nd & E.3rd)
F or V train to 2nd Ave.
Show starts at MIDNIGHT!
$5
STD and Coolzey in Omaha April 2006.
STD will likely go on first or second in this bill, so please arrive by the witching hour when the show...um...drops. I'd better get a hip hop glossary before then.
Peace,
-STD |
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| Killing Time with STD |
[Jul. 25th, 2006|06:37 pm] |
It seems I've posted this everywhere ELSE...it's due time it made it here as well.
I have launched a video podcast entitled Killing Time with Schaffer the Darklord.
It's part-blog, part-podcast and part-televisionish series. You see, when I'm NOT out on the road performing my rap/standup shows to my devoted fanbase from coast-to-coast, I rarely leave the comfort of my apartment. Since my wife tends to venture outside more frequently than I do, I'm left alone with my cats (Fred and Darwin) and the Black Box, my only "bandmate" and stage prop...essentially just a small plastic suitcase through which the devil speaks to me. Many of my fans have written to me and asked, "Schaffer, what do you DO when you're not on the road?" (I'm kidding, of course. No one has really ever asked me that.) Now YOU can learn the secrets of my hermit-like lifestyle. Each entry will feature a link to a new installment of this series. Each is readily available for download and your marginal amusement. However, the future is NOW, friends, and advents in digital technology allow you to subscribe to "Killing Time" via podcast. Once you subscribe, every episode will download to your iTunes library every time you launch said application. No need to ever revisit the site after that. Enjoy the show on your computer or carry it with you on an iPod. Never before has someone used so much brilliant technology to create something so remarkably mundane. (That ALSO of course, is not true.) Check out the show, subscribe to the podcast and send me your emails. Users' suggestions will make it into the show. What do YOU want to see me do when I'm trapped inside? Let me know, and together we shall face the future.
To subscribe, go here.
There are only two installments up so far, but there are more on the way...
-std |
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| I do. Did I? I did. |
[Jul. 23rd, 2006|10:30 am] |
Best summer ever, I say.
Although I haven't really done much...no touring, a lil' recording, a new day job, some puttering about the house, etc. I guess there was this ONE tiny thing I did so far this summer...
I got married. That's right. 8 days ago. To the Black Metal Queen. The Lady Darklord. Dr. Schaffer, PhD. We tied the knot. We're married.
This means that I can now add a few more titles to my existing list which includes "rappist" and "darklord." I'm now also a married man. A newlywed. Goddammit, I'm somebody's husband. To be honest, it's a very surreal feeling. However, it's also quite exhilarating.
Here's to several thousand blissful years with my new bride.
Mazel tov,
-std
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| STD returns to SF this Thursday June 8th! |
[Jun. 3rd, 2006|12:49 pm] |
Witches, demons, zombies...
'Tis true. I am returning to San Francisco this week for another hot show at the Hemlock Tavern, the undisputed KING of American rock-and-roll dive bars!
Oh, but there's more...
Opening this show will be the amazing rapper known as Katastrophe. For you longtime STD fans, you'll remember Katastrophe as 1/3 of my old SF-based hip hop supergroup The End of the World. Since we disbanded, he and I have pursued solo acts, and these days he is simply "blowing up," as the hip hop vernacular goes. I caught his show in Brooklyn recently and was left humbled and slack-jawed. I cannot dish out enough accolades on this gifted young man.
Katastrophe opens. STD headlines. Will Strict Chem (the remaining 1/3 of TEOTW) be in attendance? Will there be a TEOTW reunion at the close of the show? Will dreams truly come true? Pay the cover and find out for yourself. Bring your requests, bring your dancing shoes, and dammit, bring the noise!*
*(note: Please don't REALLY bring the noise. We'll do that.)
Thursday June 8th
SCHAFFER THE DARKLORD (the "Rappist" from NYC)
KATASTROPHE (super-rapper from SF)
@ The Hemlock Tavern
1131 Polk @ Post
SF, CA, USA
9PM
$7
The End of the World, 2002. Photo by Wally Lech.
(From left: MC STD, Strict Chem, MC Katastrophe)
Katastrophe, 2006. Photo by Lydia Daniller.
STD, 2006. Photo by Bruce Ashley.
God is in his holy temple. I wish he'd turn his stereo down.
-STD |
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| One of my weird celebrity encounters. |
[May. 26th, 2006|10:44 am] |
Gentle reader,
I see celebrities all the time. I've seen Jon Stewart, Minnie Driver, Lisa Bonet and Howard Stern just walking down the street at different times. Hell, just last night I stepped out of a bar for a cigarette and nearly stumbled into Chris Cornell from Soundgarden, although I'm not certain that he really counts as a celebrity. Anyway...I see them all the time, but I RARELY have interactions with them.
Last week I had a rather unusual "run-in" with a big celebrity. Yeah... a BIG CELEBRITY. She's such a big star, in fact, that I've chosen to NOT name her. This decision has been made for a number of reasons: 1.) To avoid the guffaws of skeptics, and 2.) because my future involves another social engagement which she shall attend. I'd hate for her to bookmark this unread little e-diary of mine and call me on it later. Anyway, here goes...
I had plans to attend an engagement party for a couple of high-powered NYC attorneys last Thursday. Due to their remarkable income/social status, these two spouses-to-be held their soiree in a fancy Upper East Side apartment. I always feel uncomfortable at these sorts of gatherings (says the penniless rapper as though his planner is cluttered with such dates) so I decided to meet S. at a little karaoke/dive bar on 3rd Ave beforehand. Three Mardi Gras-sized "pints" of Stella later, and I was ready to fuggin' party with some fuggin' socialites! Who you looking at, bitch?
Within seconds of entering the gazillion-dollar-per-square-inch apartment on 76th St, I spotted her. I'd been familiar with her face for YEARS, what with her television shows, K-Mart product displays, scandalous New York Post covers and occassional Conan cameos. Draped in delicate white fabrics she really stood out against the crowd of bored-looking yuppies in black jackets. I tend to be a wee bit obsessed with the cult of celebrity, and reminding myself of my plan to quit this habit, I immediately drew my gaze away from her. "I'm not going to stare at her. I'M NOT!" I thought to myself. Although in my mind, I probably called myself a "bitch" with each of those thoughts. Those beers back at Karaoke McDivey's were fuggin' HUUUGE.
I munched on some pearl-stuffed eagle cakes with 30k gold frosting while trying my damnedest to maintain small talk with a French business executive. Eventually my eyes drifted away from my companion and directly into those of the famous lady. Yeah...awkward. I looked away quickly and asked a servant to refill my jewel-encrusted goblet with panda blood.
Moments later, my eyes (surely half-cocked by now) lazily scanned the room, and AGAIN I crossed streams with the celebrity, this time sporting a noticeably coy grin. I pulled out of our locked gaze and thought to myself, "Can this be? Is she...checking me out?" I know you may suspect that with all of the drinking I COULD have been making a fool of myself and that THAT was what attracted her looks. I can assure you though, I'm a steady drunk, not a scene-maker. I maintain fluid conversation and vocal volume with ease. I know that ALL drunks say that. Even though I was one shot away from a hate-crime, I was cool as ice, baby. By the time I met her smiling stare a third time, I began to wonder what SHE would act like shit-faced.
I managed to soak up some of my fool-fuel with these delicious miniature crabs dressed in silk evening gowns and began to admire (read: "pretended to admire") a wall of framed photographs in the living room. Just as the French business man and I began discussing the art, she cut through the crowd like a cocktail party ninja and asked me, "SO, what do you think?" She was talking about the photographs, not of this sudden development. I coolly responded with,
"Well, my friend and I here were just speculating about the three women in this photo. I suggested that they they represent three generations of the same family although one might not suspect it due to the fact that the eldest member looks so young and elegant."
The celebrity leaned in, took hold of my arm and squeezed while saying, "You know, you're absolutely right." A smiled spread across her face. She's beautiful in person.
I had decided that I would NOT discuss her identity with her, instead opting for a humorous segue from all the talk of art and generations.
"Would you care to hear a joke?"
"I'd love to," she responded eagerly.
Then I shared with her my favorite joke in the world, told to me just last year by my friend Jonathan in Chicago.
"What did the 0 say to the 8?"
"I don't know."
"Nice belt."
With exagerrated laughter, she leaned in and gave me another strong squeeze on the arm. "Oh, that's VERY funny! Thank you." Immediately after this comment she left the party. I assume she entered a black limo upon exiting.
I was a bit stunned afterwards. Although our exchange was really a non-event, I couldn't help but reflect on the fact that she HAD flirted with me. In fact, she kind of hit on me. No...fuck that! She DID hit on me. Hell yeah! That's what I'll report in my blog! Famous lady hit on ME! Kick ass. (It should be noted that I'm consistently oblivious when someone IS hitting on me. But THIS gave me the "funny feeling.")
I'll surely see her at the wedding for the same couple next month. I'd better come up with some more jokes and some better lines in the meantime. Hopefully the next encounter will actually warrant a post this long.
When I was leaving the party that night, a man struck up a shallow conversation with me.
"What do you do for a living?" he asked.
"I'm a comic...and a rapper."
"Oh, so where do YOU wait tables." he added, clearly pleased with his zinger.
I don't wait tables, actually. I do temp work where I spend my day updating my blog, posting snarky comments about soulless yuppie douchebags in sexless marriages. Yeah...like that.
Who you looking at, bitch?
-STD |
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| If you grew up in the midwest in the 80's, have I got a conspiracy theory for you! |
[May. 25th, 2006|03:51 pm] |
I'm a nerd.
I'm paranoid.
I love the internet.
I do not trust the government.
All of these things qualify me to be a bonafide conspiracy theorist. Now I don't buy EVERYTHING the CT crowd preaches. I'm not so sure about the moon landing, and I just cannot believe that United 93 was an empty remote-controlled drone. However, I DO believe in the alien crash at Roswell and I DO believe that flight 93 was shot down by military aircraft. I reckon I run somewhere between yellow and orange on the CT scale.
I recently stumbled upon some fevered internet rumors regarding a conspiracy theory that I initially wrote off as purely absurd. Upon further reading though, this story got its hooks in me something fierce. Perhaps because I feel strangely connected to it. Put on your tin foil hats. This is gonna be wild.
Remember Jeff Gannon? He was the disgraced "journalist" who was outed after lobbing softball questions at Bush and Scott McClellan in the White House press room last year. His most famous question was asking Bush how he was prepared to work with people who were so "divorced from reality," referring to Democrats. Fellow members of the press corps began to grow suspicious of this alleged White House plant, and as their responsibility dictates, they began to examine Mr. Gannon's background. Turns out, his only press affiliation was a Republican blog, called GOPUSA before changing its name to Tallon. Jeff Gannon's fellow reporters also discovered that the mysterious bald reporter had no journalism training, no prior experience, and had circumvented rigorous FBI security checks required of those in the White House press room for 2 years. His name wasn't even real! No, no, no..."Jeff Gannon" was actually "Jeff Guckert." And "Jeff Guckert" was actually a gay prostitute with numerous pornographic websites registered under his name.
Mr. Gannon was dealt a swift blow of embarrassment by everyone from CNN to the Daily Show. OK, BIG DEAL, right? Who cares if the guy used to sell his body, even if he HAS been historically gay-bashingly conservative in his blog. BIG DEAL, right? (Well, actually, yeah it IS. But's that's another story.) It still doesn't explain how he was granted access to the White House press room. The Secret Service doesn't just hand those access badges out. How did this guy get in? And who the hell IS he?
Now it's gonna get weird.
In 1982, a 12-year-old paperboy from West Des Moines, IA was abducted in broad daylight, never to be seen again. His name was Johnny Gosch, and as a young boy who grew up in Iowa, I can personally tell you that his story was legendary. For MOST of my childhood, parents and teachers constantly warned kids to watch out for black vans because the bad men could come and get us...just like they got Johnny Gosch. He was the FIRST missing child to appear on a milk carton. He was the first missing child story to appear on America's Most Wanted. He was FAMOUS among my peers...just for disappearing. There was never a body found, never an arrest and never any closure to the story. Then in February of last year, a blogger first pondered aloud the possibility that "Jeff Gannon" could ACTUALLY be Johnny Gosch. Jeff Gannon has no past, and Johnny Gosch has no present. Then there's the striking coincidence of the names, including Gannon's "real" name: Johnny Gosch, James Gannon, James Guckert. All of them also share the middle initial D.
So what happened in between Johnny's disappearance and Jeff's arrival? Oh, man...A LOT, and it involves a child sex-slavery ring, kiddie porn, snuff films, Satanic rituals, CIA mind control experiments, the Reagan AND Bush White Houses and even Hunter S. Thompson. I know, I know. Don't hang up yet.
The abbreviated version of the story goes as follows. A businessman from Omaha named Lawrence King ran a secret child prostitution ring recruiting youngsters from the Boys and Girls Towns of Omaha. These children were auctioned off and passed around wealthy business men and politicians at parties in the midwest, DC and California. The goons running this ring kidnapped other young boys and girls using existing sex-slaves as bait to lure these children. (A teenage boy named Paul Bonacci testified in court exactly how he and two men kidnapped Johnny Gosch in 1982.) Some of these children were involved in a quickly silenced Reagan-era scandal in which teenage boys were seen wandering the halls of the White House in the wee hours of the morning. Some of these boys and girls were shipped to Bohemian Grove outside of Sacramento, CA to particpate in pagan rituals and snuff film shoots, at least ONE of which was photographed by Hunter S. Thompson. Many of these children were subjected to a CIA mind control experiment under programs like MK-Ultra and the Monarch Project to create slaves that would willingly give up their past lives and consent to unspeakable horrors. (Kinda "Manchurian Candidate" style.) A Nebraska Republican named John DeCamp wrote a book called "the Franklin Cover Up" about King and the sex-ring, and he also defended many of the now adult victims of the ring, most of whom went to prison for perjury, etc. A British film company produced a documentary about "the Lawrence Cover Up" called "Conspiracy of Silence," but it never aired. All of the copies were destroyed. (Except for a rough work-print available online!) An investigator who collected thousands of photos incriminating TOP politicians in the case died in a plane crash. Evidence was NEVER recovered. An interesting thing to note is that the same day the Gannon/Gosch rumor appeared on the internet was the day Hunter Thompson died. Suicide out of guilt, or staged suicide to silence him? Was he REALLY involved, or did he just got in "over his head" in an attempt to uncover this sordid world of the politically elite. And AGAIN, who the hell is "Jeff Gannon?"
The theory goes that Johnny was kidnapped, brainwashed and sold into slavery. As a prostitute he catered to DC's top political brass. As an adult, the CIA rewarded him with a new identity and career. Watch him respond to the questions about Johnny Gosch in the videos. It's eerily awkward.
Johnny visited his mother ONCE in 1997. She didn't speak of it until 1999 when she was under oath in Paul Bonaccci's trial. So she HAS seen him as an adult, but when questioned as to whether Gannon is her son, she awkwardly avoids confiming it 100%. Is she afraid for her son? Is she afraid for herSELF? She does speak of the similiar birthmarks on Johnny's chest and those seen in "James Guckert's" nude photos.
And I don't care WHO you are, you cannot deny the striking similarities in the photos of the 12-year-old Gosch and the 47/36-year-old Gannon: the eyes, the dimpled chins, the birthmark below the right eyes.
It should also be noted that when he vanished Johnny delivered papers for the Des Moines register. Frustrated by the local police's search for her son, Noreen Gosch sent a letter damning their performance to the same paper. The editor (Johnny's former boss) ran Mrs. Gosch's letter on the front page of the DMR, criticizing HER right back. That editor's name was James Gannon. Many suspect that Johnny/James/Jeff chose this name as a clue for his mother years later.
Yeah...so I'm a little obsessed with this story!
Here's a whole collection of links for you to study and draw your own conclusions.
Noreen Gosch's story
"Jeff Gannon's" Blog
The Des Moines Register's story
Investigator Ted Gunderson's site
An interview with Noreen plus the Hunter Thompson connection
Rense is a conspiracy theory website
Conspiracy of Silence video
Court transcripts of Paul Bonnacio's testimony
Bohemian Grove, headline scans, and a really gruesome portion of Paul Bonacci's story from DeCamp's book "The Franklin Cover Up."
A nice collection of info and links regarding all of this
UPDATE! I wrote to Jeff Gannon today and received a reply. He, of course, denied that he is Johnny Gosch, but he denied it without DIRECTLY denying it,much the way he does in the MSNBC videos. I have chills right now.
-STD |
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| Let me clear my throat... |
[May. 25th, 2006|02:54 pm] |
Hello, handful of readers...
I've really let myself go again, it seems, having not updated this fugger for MONTHS. I'm going to attempt a concerted effort to stay on top of this sweet blog o' mine...and that means including non-STD-show-related posts as well. I have things to say that aren't entirely self-promoting. Seriously. I do. But first let me catch up with a lil' bit of STD-ness.
The April tour with Coolzey was a smash! Thanks so much to everyone who came to the shows, put us up, put up WITH us, took us to the zoo, ran our sound, ignored the fact that our drink tickets were gone, bought merch and sang along. You are a wonderful group of fans to have, and I intend to reserve seats in hell for all of you. I think it's pretty clear that I'm going to get there first. Next tour isn't til fall, and once again it will be an STD-Coolzey double-bill. Next time...NO PRISONERS.*
*(Please note: we took no prisoners THIS time either.)
Upon returning to the city of Page Six, I was swiftly handed my walking papers by my former boss, pill-popping, empty-headed, wretched troll Mindy Wyatt. Sure, I HAD left and returned to the grubby duplication house near Union Square 3 times in the past year for touring pursuits. Every time I was able to return without incident. This time I returned on our MUTUALLY AGREED UPON return date. Sure, I was shocked that she flew into a maniacal hissy-fit within the first 10 minutes of our reunion, acting as though it was a SURPRISE that I was there. On second thought...judging by the crazy-ass bullshit this demon has pulled in the past, it wasn't so surprising at all. I left and within 48 hours, she was sending me text messages reading "we need to talk." As predictable as her daily lunch order (1/4lb tuna salad + black coffee + New York Post) was this change-of-heart. She's surely realized that with one fewer staffer in her shithouse, she actually has to work there, and she HATES WORKING THERE. Fuck her, I say. I ain't going back this time. Believe it or not, I do have a TINY shred of dignity. One bonus of this, is that the verse I wrote about Mindy in my song "Quit Your Day Job" has even more oomph NOW.
Newly jobless, I took on a 2 week temp gig at a visual effects company. This job ends tomorrow, and I actually think I'll miss it. It's a lovely atmosphere with cool folks and LOOOOOADS of paid internet time. I have so many web-based discoveries to share with the world!
I've done a couple of NYC shows since my return. Rock sets at Pianos and Crash Mansion, burlesque events at Rififi and Collective:Unconcsious. Plus I've got some things a-brewin': the still unfinished new album gets closer to completion, and I'm planning not one, but a TRILOGY of music videos!
Oh, and I have a big Big BIG announcement too. That'll come later.
I shall now start posting multiple entries with dizzying fury. I'd hate for them all to lose their individual luster by sharing such a cramped space together. But first, let me share with you an exchange of conversation I just witnessed on my lunch break at the taco shop around the corner from my office at 23rd St/3rd Ave.
Annoying Customer (AC): "...and let me get some chips too!"
Taco Shop Employee (TSE): "You want guacamole?"
AC: "Do WHAT?"
TSE: "Guacamole?"
AC: "HUH?!"
TSE: "GUA-CA-MO-LE?"
AC: (looking around, speaking to no one) "I can't understand a word this motherfucker is sayin'!" (to TSE) "NO HABLO! SPEAK ENG-LISH!"
Schaffer the Darklord (STD): (getting involved) "Ma'am, he's asking you if you want guacamole with your chips."
AC: "Do WHAT?"
STD: "He wants to know if you want to order guacamole with your chips."
AC: "What the fuck is gua-ca-whatever?"
STD: "Um...it's like a dip. It's got avacado, tomato, onion-"
AC: "Oh, HELL no. Fuck that shit."
There you have it. Lunch in NYC.
Standby...the posts, they are a-comin'.
-std |
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| STD & Coolzey April 2006 tour dates! |
[Mar. 22nd, 2006|09:12 pm] |
Hello again, you blood-thirsty ghouls...
It has been quite some time since we’ve seen one another. At the end of last November, I diagnosed myself “burnt out” and took a vacation from the cruel mistress known as “the road.” I spent the cold winter months working on a new album, writing lots of new songs and enduring the Hopi sun ritual. (*see the film “A Man Called Horse” for a demonstration.) I’m feeling recharged, with fresh evil coursing through my cold, black veins. Now I’m ready to rendezvous with those dotted highways again, and I shall do just that when I hit the road in April for a midwest tour with my beloved partner in rhyme Coolzey. Come see us again and hear what we’ve been up to...
STD & Coolzey April 2006 tour dates!
Saturday April 1st
@ the Big Horse Lounge
1558 N. Milwaukee Ave
Chicago, IL
w/Quatre Tete (Chicago) and Witch's Hat (CoMo)
Monday April 3rd
@ the Busted Lift
180 Main St.
Dubuque, IA
w/The Tuna Helpers (TX)
*5pm All Ages easly show presented by Counter Productions
Wednesday April 5th
@ Big V’s
1567 University Ave W.
St Paul, MN
w/Neglected Receptors
Thursday April 6th
@ King Club
114 King St.
Madison, WI
Friday April 7th
@ Darling Hall
601 S. 6th St
Milwaukee, WI
Saturday April 8th
@ Gabe’s Oasis
330 E. Washington St.
Iowa City, IA
w/Miracles of God and Witch’s Hat
Wednesday April 12th
@ O’Leavers Pub
1322 S. Saddle Creek Rd.
Omaha, NE
Thursday April 13th
@ Duffy’s Tavern
1412 O St.
Lincoln, NE
Friday April 14th
@ Replay Lounge
946 Massachussettes
Lawrence, KS
w/Miracles of God
Saturday April 15th
@ Eastside Tavern
1016 E. Broadway
Columbia, MO
w/Miracles of God and Witch’s Hat
Sunday April 16th
@ Melody Inn
3826 N. Illinois St
Indianapolis, IN
Monday April 17th
@ Temple Club
500 E. Grand River
Lansing, MI
Tuesday April 18th
@ TBA
Ypsilanti, Ann Arbor or Detroit, MI
Wednesday April 19th
@ Phoenix Cafe
15108 Detroit Ave
Cleveland, OH (Lakewood)
w/Nicholas Megalis, Marvin the Robot and Gay Penguins
*ALL AGES show presented by Starvation Army Zine
Thursday April 20th
@ TBA
Boston, MA
Friday April 21st
@ Pianos
158 Ludlow St.
NYC
I’m so hungry...so SO hungry.
-STD
http://schafferthedarklord.com
http://myspace.com/schafferthedarklord
-Coolzey
http://coolzey.com (tons of FREE songs!)
http://myspace.com/coolzey |
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| Shaking off the cobwebs. |
[Feb. 8th, 2006|12:58 am] |
OK, sure...I haven't updated in awhile. You should know, however, that this is because I haven't had much reason to do so.
In 2005 I seemed to be playing a show about once a week. Currently, I haven't been onstage since November, and my last show was in Atlanta! You see, I felt that perhaps I had overdone it a bit in 2005. When a mere six people came to see me at the Trash Bar in Brooklyn last November, it finally became clear to me that I was due for some time off.
My plan had been to spend the winter NOT playing shows, instead working on my new album and writing new songs. Well...it's February now. The album ISN'T finished, and I only wrote a HANDFUL of new songs. However, I DID grow my first beard, and dammit, that's gotta be worth something.
Oh...and I moved. Yeah, that's right. I moved to a killer new apartment in Astoria, Queens. Awesome.
I have begun booking some midwest/east coast dates for April with my main man Coolzey. Many of our shows will feature the amazing band Witch's Hat, about which I cannot use enough superlatives! I'm terribly, terribly excited.
In the meantime, I gotta dust off these cobwebs and break these rusty chains and get myself to a stage post-haste! Arthritis has settled into my devil's horns, and brand-new songs need to be tested. I'm gonna stretch the old "Vader claw" twice next week. Beware!
Sunday February 12th
STD guest hosts "An Evening with Red Hots Burlesque!"
featuring:
Nasty Canasta
Dottie Lux
Veronika Sweet
Mary Cyn
Lady Rigel
@ Rififi
332 E. 11th St.
NYC
9PM
$5
And then...
Saturday February 18th
Jenisfamous.com presents:
Lord Carrett
Jen Dziura
Nasty Canasta
The Cucumbers
Schaffer the Darklord (I'm the secret act...fuck! Now it's not a secret.)
@ CBGB's (CB's Lounge)
313 Bowery
NYC
9pm
$12
Come witness me saw off my (figurative) cast.
-STD
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| If only I could get a round of applause BEFORE I perform... |
[Dec. 31st, 2005|06:19 pm] |
Man...years have it easy. They get a HUGE fanfare before they've even done anything. Shouldn't we really celebrate 2005 tonight instead of 2006? I mean...this coming year may feature the global apocalypse. Why should we don plastic glasses in the shape of its name before we know if it's going to turn on us? Fuck that. Tell you what, Mr./Ms 2006...I'll sing your praises when I see what you can do. Until then, I shall celebrate some notable parts of 2005.
Killers:
1. Revenge of the Sith
2. Nose-diving approval ratings for Dick's puppet
3. All five of my tours, and ESPECIALLY the fans I met during them.
4. A glorious conclusion to Six Feet Under
5. Seeing ASTD not once, but THREE times in the same year!
6. Eminem's "retirement." FINALLY, someone understands the power of quitting while they're ahead.
7. Mike P. and Nate Mars, the fellas behind my new record
8. Meeting Jello Biafra...for REAL this time.
9. My first exposure to Mitch Hedburg (R.I.P.)
10. Surviving both my first 1 1/2 years in NYC and my 31st birthday.
Bummers:
1. Federal response to Katrina. "Brownie, you're a heckuva scapegoat."
2. Iraq. There are people that actually still support this. Seriously.
3. Richard Pryor's death. JoJo Dancer, your life was amazing.
4. Demise of the Daewoo. My car died and went to the junkyard. Let me pour one out.
5. Quitting my day job...but then going back to it a few months later.
6. The MTA transit stike. Twelve miles of commute by foot a day!
7. Bloomberg's re-election. There are people that actually still support him. Seriously.
8. Eviction. Not so much a bummer now that I've found a new place to move into on Feb 1st.
9. 50 Cent. He's famous. REALLY famous. For real. Why?
10. Cancelling my performance at Tommy Rockstar's birthday party. I broke my own heart with that move.
I've got big stuff in store for 2006. A new album, LOTS of touring, and possibly (hopefully?) the aforementioned global apocalypse.
Happy 2005, everybody! See you on the other side of 2006.
-STD |
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| New album status report... |
[Dec. 30th, 2005|07:15 am] |
I've spent the last three nights in the studio working with Mike P. and Nate Mars on my new full-length album. The boys have re-created all of my instrumentals with new sounds/arrangements, and now I'm laying down vocals. In each 6 hour session, we usually get all of the vocals recorded for 2 songs. This week we finished "Cat People," Craig's List," "Quit Your Day Job," "This Party Sucks," "Schaffer Was the Name," "Night of the Living Christ," and about half of the NEW "Clonefucker." My throat is a little fried (each song has about a thousand vocal tracks in it!) and I'm terribly tired from late night sessions back-to-back with early morning day job shifts. However, this work is going to pay off. These new versions (ESPECIALLY the new "Rappist") are fugging sick! They sound far far better than their demo counterparts. Next week we have another 5 songs to get through and then the mixing begins. We'll have a brief hiatus while Nate travels to LA and Mike gets swamped with movie work. During that time, I'll continue to produce skits at home. We hope to have the whole thing wrapped by early Feb.
Man...I can't wait for y'all to hear this new stuff. It's as though some has taken your grandma's '84 Citation and "pimped her ride."
Psyched am I.
-S to the T to the D |
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| The transit strike... |
[Dec. 22nd, 2005|11:36 am] |
I would like to offer my most heartfelt "fuck you's" to Roger Toussaint and the TWU for their noble strike during this holiday season. Three days now...three days I've commuted 6 1/2 miles for 2 1/2 hours (EACH WAY) in blistering 20 degree weather ON FOOT from Astoria, Queens to lower Manhattan. I'm gonna fugging die if this keeps up.
Many of the striking transit union members earn 60K+ salaries and are seeking raises with retirement at 55. Again...I can't say this enough...fuck you.
Happy holidays, you fucking city-crippling assholes. I hope Santa takes a dump in your stockings.
-std |
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| Night of the Vinyl Christ |
[Dec. 8th, 2005|07:53 pm] |
I've been so distracted by travels and recording that I damn nearly forgot that I had a split 7" coming out! Imagine my surprise when I returned home to find a bunch of records awaiting me. Hot shit!
This 7" is a Christ-themed release. On one side is my song "Night of the Living Christ." On the OTHER side is a song by Cliche Faux Pas. CFP is a recording project masterminded by Larry Boothroyd, long-time bassist for Alternative Tentacles' band Victims' Family and drummer of the awesome and awesomely-named band Meow Meow & the Meow Meows. His track is entitled "John 3:16." It's a cover of a KISS song with carefully re-written lyrics that transform Mr. Simmons's sex-romp into a love song about (y)our lord and savior. The records are on HEAVY white vinyl, and the 2-sided jackets feature album art from each act. This beautiful package is the first release from SF's Brink of Extinction Records. They have no website, so I'm not sure how to go about ordering one from the label, but fanatics can certainly mail order one from me. This record would make the perfect Jesus's Birthday gift for that vinyl collector, rap-comedy enthusiast or heretic on your shopping list this holiday season.
Write to me for inquiries regarding merch purchases, or "merchases," as I call them.
schafferthedarklord@yahoo.com
He shall rise!
-STD |
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